It's a nice day here, so I thought on my lunch break I'd mow the lawn. We keep the mowers in the big garage with the tractor, and there are big sliding doors that open. It's dark in the garage and there are always black crickets milling around in there, so I'm always a bit creeped out when I'm in the garage.
When I got to the big sliding garage door and went to open it, I saw the legs and body of a VERY LARGE spider in an area of the door that's down near the ground where the light comes through the door. And when I say VERY LARGE... I mean HUGE! Thick legs, big abdomen -- I was convinced it was a tarantula. It had to be. It was too big to be anything else!
Alan keeps some poison in the utility room, so I ran to get it. There was NO WAY I was letting that spider run wild around the farm. ACK! I don't like killing things, but come ON!
**creep out moment!** 
When I got back to the garage with the poison the spider was still on the door. I was kind of grateful and kind of freaked out at the same time. If it hadn't been there, no telling WHERE it would have gone and I wouldn't have been able to go in the garage again for months. But, knowing it was there and knowing that I was about to spray it with poison, I was freaking out about what it might do. I chose a path to run from it, if I needed to run.
I shook the can, aimed, sprayed, and the poison hit the spider. Nothing. It didn't even budge. So I sprayed it again. Nothing. Hmm... I read the can -- yup, it was poison and should have done the job. But oh MAN... it didn't even move! That meant I was going to have to move HIM!
*creep out moment!** 
There is a rack for garden tools next to the door so I grabbed a pitch fork, and again chose my path for running from it if I needed to. I poked it with the pitch fork. Nothing. So I poked it again.
OMG!! It moved, and it fell to the ground!! 
I think my scream is still echoing in the garage...and my foot miraculously missed being skewered by the pitch fork. I regained control and then got to looking at it laying there on the ground, not moving. And that's when I realized it was a *bleep bleepin' bleep* PLASTIC SPIDER!!!
All I can say now, is
SOMEONE IS IN SOME SERIOUS TROUBLE!!
Edited to Add: Later, I told Alan I thought I saw a tarantula in the garage. He said "the plastic one in the garage door?" Uh..YES! He said it was there when he bought the farm. ...hmm...
I'm still traumatized.
But the lawn is mowed.
And I need a martini.
Maybe three.
