On Location: One short, stalky, black pygmy goat, known by the name Baaaaad Boxcar Betty, was caught in an attempt to escape the barnyard. Evidence shows that Baaaaad Boxcar Betty had considered escape prior to today's event, and had in fact, been working on her escape plan for months! Undercover reporter Callio-Pea was at the scene of the crime.
Callio-Pea: "I was here at the barnyard cafe just a short distance away enjoying my morning meal when the incident occurred. I knew plans were being made for an attempted escape, but I couldn't be sure when it would take place. Today was the day. Unbelievable. You just don't see things like this every day."
Callio-Pea: "As you can see here in this footage, prior to rescue crew response the portly pygmy was nearly completely suspended in her attempt to escape. At heights like this, things can get ugly. Baaaaad Boxcar Betty was lucky in her attempt that there were no injuries. It could have been devastating. I think it's safe to say that Baaaaad Boxcar Betty underestimated the circumference of her midriff, and her plan to escape failed her. Her attempted escape this morning stacked up more evidence that indeed, Baaaaad Boxcard Betty truly lives up to her name. I, on the other hand, am a good goat."
When asked by local farm authorities why she attempted her escape, Baaaad Boxcar Betty's response: "The grass IS greener on the other side! I won't give up! Don't underestimate this goat. This won't be the last you've seen from Baaaaad Boxcar Betty, I guarantee!"
Farm authorities have the situation under control and all residents of the farm have been assured that there have been no injuries. Please resume your regular daily activities.